I'm a complete fuck up failure

You may read this website, and think, 'wow, what a guy'
or 'wow, what a looney'

Im fucked up
I even thought I was a robot for many years

I can philosophize the meanings of life easy
, give me a question on abjunctive non-comperatives and I score big

I've even written a brilliant film.

And yet it doesn't mean anything to me

Ive sought what I set out to find in my various pieces

yet there is no worth there
you can see how desperatly I'm trying to find some if you look them over

the Truth is my life means little to me, Ive spent a lot of it just clinging on to breathing and keeping going its been so shit

I didnt value anything until I met someone else on my level
I didnt know what it was about them at first, unless it was just meeting a True seeker after truth

and she was beautiful, and she was sexy

and she loved me and I couldn't feel it

cold hearted

I used to be proud of the fact my heart was made of wood
because no matter what the universe kept throwing at it I still survived

and then it opened up after another contacted me, the first brilliant soul who truly understood then praised my work and me

and an open heart is a dangerous thing
it ran into someone more screwed up than me
and she shut up shop on it

there really was no love for me, not after 26 years

until I met Her and her kids, the woman on my level
fucking worth and love
and I screwed it up

the point is, I screw everything up

Im a failure at life
because I cant find any worth in it

youd be a fool to envy me

Nick.Eliot[at]Cannotfindserver.net Main