right

The Philosophy of Suicide

hmm, I'm in no unfit emotional state to write well, but I want to write this anyway as it is an actual USE for philosophy

I have discovered lately, that suicide is all about what you BELIEVE

I have learned this from myself.

For years I've been suicidal, on and off

life has been very hard

some counselling and an internet girlfriend took it away for about 7 months, but then I was once again experiencing suffering, and wishing it was all over

death is beautiful

and to die is to turn yourself off from this unsatisfactory world and these infernally annoying biological bodies.

I used to blame my parents, for giving birth to me without asking, bearing me into a world full of ignorance and moronically violent people

Then I blamed god most vehemently

then I read a little bit of Tao and blamed myself for ever coming back down to Earth when I knew how hard this run would be

mostly I blamed god

But now I have realised

, when I wrote my piece about how the most minute change on Earth would cause such massive changes on Earth in the future >this one<

I began to realise that god doesn't have “be all and end all” power over my life

God could change it a bit, but that could cause untold changes in the world, and maybe great disasters too
, say if something you did delayed a couple's conception of their child by a few seconds, then you have people/genes walking around the Earth that never would have been before

and recently I actually started to believe this, and I realised that my life isn't actually god's fault

it's just the way things happened, god is pretty impotent to have changed it without messing everything else up as well

Every time we make a decision, every action we do, or thought we think
they all happen in the now, and become the past
become history

they become what always was, you cannot change history

it was simply the way things went, just as I always was sitting here writing this piece right now and right then

You wouldn't want a god that had complete rule over every last thing that happened anyway would you?

that simply is not freedom,
you wouldn't even be free to think

and it's also a paradox (if I am correct) on how Truth ever gets discovered in the first place

And once I actually began to believe that it wasn't God's fault that my life has been intersected with years of a living hell

Then I stopped blaming him

And I cant really blame my parents, they always had me, it is in the history
and I would probably have done the same in their position

and once I realised all this, I thought 'what the hell?' and took mental responsibility for my own life

and my thoughts of suicide for the past years *sigh* just seemed pretty stupid really

they're nice to get through a hard night, a thought of escape

but now it's completely gone, and I realised that suicidal thoughts are merely a matter of personal philosophy

the personal philosophy of people who have not taken responsibility for their own life

Who blame god or whatever is in their philosophy, be it deity, personification, spirit, cause and effect, fate, genes, nature, ignorant person who didn't understand what was going on (okay the last one makes some sense)

though it's not a matter of blame, this was the way things always happened

Sure, you can suffer horribly,
but it's just the way things are
if you understand that your very existence is not anything's fault; then you can take responsibility for yourself
and realise it's no-one's fault at all

and there's no point in wasting all that energy sub-consciously blaming things for your lot. It is just the way things are/were

all you can do is suffer, and think 'this is shit' not 'I want to die'

if you're the suicidal type, then give it a try- - it's a load off my mind to tell you the truth, I'm used to feeling uncomfort, so it's nice that it's not all so completely unjust

I may as well stop gnawing at myself and moaning to myself about my lot, and just try to change things for myself and be a grown up

take responsibility

it makes sense
and I would much rather live realistically using wisdom than just living in nature's ignorance

(C)opywrite Nick.Eliot[at]Cannotfindserver.net 20/10/2006

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